Wholly Crap

Since I've taken Zachary on our road trip to Weed he has had to exclusively eat formula. On the plus side he's starting to gain weight and fill out. He's also sleeping for 5 hour stretches at night instead of his usual 2 1/2.

There has been but one downside. One. Major. Downside.
My son now takes the largest dumps I have ever seen.

Allow me for a moment to shed some perspective on this statement. My best friend Travis and I have for years had a running competition as to who can squeeze out the largest crap. Since Travis is half again my size, I have had to settle for moral victories. But none-the-less it takes more than your average bowel movement to impress me.

Earlier today my son's bowel movement took my breath away. And I don't just mean that figuratively.

My son had not taken a dump in about 24hrs (this apparently is kind of a big deal for an infant). The entire household was experiencing a growing sense of unease. My dad would jump at the slightest sound that resembled a fart. Meanwhile, my mother had been pestering him all day long to hurry up and shit already. Lesson: Be careful what you ask for.

Later that evening, I looked down at my son and noticed a peculiar, almost strained look on his face. My stomach sank. We had gotten our wish. It was the "Big One", Mt. St. Smellens was erupting. I opened my son's diaper to find that his emission had pushed his pathetic, tiny Huggie well past it's feeble limitations. The entire backside of his jammies were completely stained and ruined.

I instantly felt a rising sense of panic. Why hadn't we prepared? Why didn't we stock up on supplies? Was there enough food in the storm cellar? I cursed my mental lapse, lack of preparation and consequent current state of emergency I had befallen. I immediately called my mother for back up. She came running into the room and the stench stopped her dead in her tracks. She did an abrupt about-face and began busying herself in the next room conveniently looking for what she claimed to be diaper wipes. Despite my protests that simple wipes would not suffice and to bring me some acetone, hydrochloric acid or better yet a blow torch, she calmly reassured me that the "Tushy Towels" would be fine.

Although skeptical, I decided to forgo argument and instead focus my attention to the giggling crap factory smiling up at me.

The seconds were dragging by like hours. My forehead beading with perspiration, I struggled in an epic battle with my 4 month old son to keep him from squirming out of my grip and spreading his hair-singeing butt-funk onto the couch and floor.

This, ultimately was a battle I lost against a far superior opponent.

I was able to rent a "Rug Doctor" carpet cleaner to get the worst out of the floors and off the walls. But my dog is definitely going to need a professionals' touch.

Anyway, as part of the sterilization process recommended by the Health Department of California we needed to bathe not just ourselves but the little bugger too. Here is some video from the bath we gave him near ground zero.

Zachary dancing to Jerry Garcia

It's a little old, but I posted it so that Zach's grandparents (John & Lyndell) had something new to watch... This video is from April 10th.

Coasting Home

Hey everybody! It's Zach's Dad Kacy. I realize that I haven't written a blog in a while and consequently I have volumes and volumes of stories to tell. But since I'm still out of town, I'm going to momentarily leave out the descriptions of the diaper-twisting awesomeness Zach and I experienced during our trip and instead simply post some shots and maybe some video I took along the way.

In short the overall experience was totally tubular. I've daydreamed about taking this trip with my son for most of my adult life and I wasn't disappointed in the least.

Zachary goes to the Aquarium

So, for Christmas, Kacy got me annual passes to the Seattle Aquarium. I aimed to get some mileage out of those passes before we move down to (blissfully sunny) San Diego.


So, we decided to take Zachary to the aquarium on a Friday afternoon.
At just 3.5 months, Zachary did great! He was generally entertained by all the colorful fish and really enjoyed the tidal wave simulation. All & all, it was looking to be a perfect day.....

Until Kacy got steamrolled by a 280 lb. runaway beer keg on our way out of the aquarium. And our house sale fell through 3 hours later.......

But hey, at least it was sunny.

Nannykins Time

At the end of May, Nannykins came up to frigid Seattle to take care of Zachary, letting mom and dad get some much needed work done (you know, the kind NOT associated with a baby) and an some extra rest too. She was missed as soon as she left as suddenly Kacy and I had to become sole caretakers again.....sigh.......

Oh, and Zachary missed her too.

Say what???

That's right. Kacy did the unthinkable. He took Zachary and Kona all on a road trip to California all by himself. Let me make the enormity of this task clear: Zachary has a tendency to shriek for HOURS in a car seat and Kona howls along with him in a panic. Five minutes of these shenanigans is enough to get anyones panties in a bunch. But 13 hours? Was this really a good idea? (Disclaimer: Kacy is going "Lesley, it was YOUR fishbrained idea!!!")

But why stop there? Instead of taking the straight shot down the I-5 to get it over with as quick as possible (as I suggested), Kacy decided to take my bad idea and run with it.

He decided to take the "scenic route". Yep. Traveling down Highway 101 and several obscure and even more curvy roads all the way into California.

Now, in typical Kacy fashion, his intentions were golden. I'm sure that Kacy had visions of himself skipping through the magnificant rainforests and redwood groves found along the 101 with one very amazed and enchanted Zachary looking on in delight.

But also, in typical Kacy fashion, things did not go according to plan. After all, why settle for miserable when you can have hell?

Kacy left Tuesday morning bright and chipper. Eight hours later I decided to give him a call.

Me: "Hey, how's it going?"

Kacy: "WHAT?" WHAAAAAAA WHAAAAAA WHAAAAA WHAAAAA

Me: "HOW IS IT GOING???"

Kacy: "I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU! YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SHOUT!!"

Me: "JESUS! HOW IS IT GOING?!"

Kacy: "Oh, Zach has been pretty uspet." UGGGGGG WHAAAAA UGGGGHHHH WHAAAAA

Me: "How long has that been going on for?"

Kacy: "2 hours 23 minutes and 35 seconds."

Me: (as I sit in my blissfully quiet house leisurely sipping wine while reading gossip columns) "Bummer".

Kacy: "Yeah... and the dog is wigging out too....and I've had too much caffeine." WHAAAAAAA WHAAAAAA WHAAAAA WHAAAAA

Me: "What do you think is wrong with him?"

Kacy: "HellifIknowHedoesn'twanttoeatHisdiaperiscleanandhe'sbeenburped." UGGGGGG WHAAAAA

Me: (trying to change the subject) "So, did you get to see any rainforests?"

Kacy: "Yeah"

Me: "Well, how was it?"

Kacy: "Zach screamed the whole time. Ruined it for everyone within two miles. Oh, and the dog got drenched. So now the entire car smells like wet dog."
.....

And so it went. Three days later, Kacy did make it into California in a state of stupor with Zachary and Kona. Zachary has recovered nicely and is all smiles again. Kacy is still sleeping. :)

Beginning of a laugh

At just three months, Zachary began to laugh in short bursts. Eager to capture his laugh on film, Kacy and I began experimenting with various actions that might get him to laugh on cue. Unfortunately, there was only one thing that he consistently found hilarious.....hitting mommy. Probably not a good association to be teaching him......

Also note his uncanny resemblance to this Return of the Jedi character.