Zachary Winston Williams: Too young for Chutes and Ladders, Too old to just sit there whlie you drink

Welcome to Zach's Blog

After seemingly endless prodding, teasing and thinly veiled condescension from friends and family, my wife and I have finally succumbed to peer pressure and have entered the 21st century. That's right, we are now officially "blogging". Besides, what better way to introduce ourselves to this mysterious and novel medium than through the shameless exploitation of our wonderful little boy, Zachary Winston Williams. Since before he was even born Zach has been a constant source of "oohs" and "aahs" which I have piously and painstakingly documented with my camera. Indeed, you- the common citizen of the Internet, will no longer have to miss out on precious moments such as "Baby's first dirty diaper" or "Baby blows milk out his nose all over mom".

During the first months of his life, Zach has had his photograph taken ad nauseum. I have countless photos of myself, Lesley, friends, family and a few complete strangers holding our son in every possible setting imaginable. There are so many photos in fact, that it would be impractical and maybe even a bit cruel to post them all here. So in order to conserve both available memory and the readers sanity, the plan is to pick a 'small' handful of the best pictures and include a link to my flickr website for those with the fortitude to tackle the rest.

On my son's behalf, I would like to extend my sincerest appreciation and gratitude for your interest in his life. I hope all of you will enjoy watching him grow and develop over the next months and years. I know I will.
~Kacy

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Too young for Chutes and Ladders, Too old to just sit there whlie you drink

Zach has reached an age where simple shadows on the wall don't hold his attention like they used to. As a result, he has found a variety of ways to satisfy is ever growing demand for cheap, accessible entertainment. Here is a list of his current favorite pastimes.

Take a Dump in the Bath
# of players: 2-3
Rules: Engage in happy bubbly play in bath while sitting in between the legs of a clueless player 2. While player 2 is distracted, take silent but massive dump. Do not give any outward clues to the passing of this event. Score points for allowing player 2 to come across it as he gropes in the bathwater for the sponge.

Yank the Penis (formerly known as "Squeeze the Testicles")
# of players: 1
Rules: While naked (getting changed, taking bath etc.), firmly grasp hold of your penis and stretch it out to the point of excruciating pain. Shriek in terror and then let it go and watch it snap back while it makes a *THWAP* sound. Repeat.

Gravity is Fun
# of players: 2
Rules: Drop item. Stare intently at item and squeal until other player retrieves it for you. Repeat.
Bonus points: Play during much anticipated sports game, preferably late in the 4th quarter.

Put Fingers in my Poo
# of players: 2
Rules: While diaper is getting changed, reach down and stick your fingers in your own excrement. Then, touch everything around you as fast as you can.

Kick Daddy in the Balls
# of players: 2
Rules: While napping peacefully with Dad, roll over and firmly kick him square in the testicles. Repeat until you lock up your status as only child.

For the Love of Lint
# of players: 2
Rules: Pretend to play quietly by yourself on a blanket with a toy. As soon as Player two's back is turned, grab nasty tangled hair laden lint mass hidden in blankets and put it in your mouth. Repeat.

Annoy the Dog
# of players: 1 + Dog
Rules: While in "Ring-a-Ding" walker, chase helpless dog all over the house. Once dog is cornered, yank his ears and pull his fur until he moves to a new location. Repeat.

Embarrass Dad
# of players: 3 or more
Rules: While in public, proceed to charm every person in sight. Once a small crowd of attractive young women has gathered and Dad is explaining to them what an awesome, sweet, perfect baby your are, loudly and emphatically crap your pants while grunting and turning purple.

True, many of these games are timeless and can be played well into teenage and adult years. However, I will no doubt often be adding new games to this list as Zach's creativity expands. So be sure to check back to this post from time to time. Parents, feel free to share your own.